Hey there Reader
There’s a belief in the healing world that so many people think, but don’t always voice, that you can speed up your healing and growth. It sounds reasonable, and even possible, but it isn’t. It’s the human needy self, filled with expectations and trying to be done with anything that prompts discomfort.
It’s a bit like breaking a bone. You can’t force it to heal faster. You can support it, you can protect it, you can stop interfering with it, but you cannot rush the actual repair that is happening behind the scenes.
I was recently on a podcast and the person interviewing me raised this exact belief.
I smiled.
And it felt like the perfect thing to speak to at the start of a new year, because this is the season where so many humans decide they need to be different, and they try to force change instead of understanding what’s actually happening inside them.
So many people want to go on turbo, to get through the healing and growth phase, which is why years down the track you often hear people say (including myself at a stage in my growth) “I thought I had healed this” or “I thought I had already dealt with this.”
She also asked me about a significant time of healing I’ve been through. And I honestly smiled again, because all of it has been significant.
There are layers within the layers within the layers.
You may move through a huge healing process, feel like something has completed, and then further down the track you’re met by another layer that is even bigger.
This is when people start believing they are going backwards.
You are never ever going backwards, unless you consciously choose to revert to old ways.
You go deeper.
And there is a big difference.
Imagine if you started your healing and growth journey and you dove straight to the depths of all of the pain and hurt you’ve experienced. Your nervous system, your physical body, your emotional and mental processes couldn’t cope.
This is why I can share a number of distinct times where I have gone deeper and deeper and it felt like I was falling apart, when really I was falling, or rather moving, deeper within me.
And it does get less, because as you move through healing and growth and access more of who you truly are, you build capacity, you build self trust, you stop resisting yourself, and what once felt like it could overwhelm and hurt you, becomes something you can actually receive and work with.
And I used to catch myself all the time and think, why do I believe I know what rate my healing and growth is meant to be.
Good old human expectations.
But the truth of why people want to get through it quickly, is mainly because of the pain.
⚫️ For many they just do not like the emotions we go through and feel.
⚫️ This is because of the feeling of being out of control, because humans like to predict and dictate what will happen. It keeps them safe (or so they believe).
⚫️ And because so many people want to get through what they label as “the bad stuff” so they can finally experience “the good stuff.”
And here is the part that people are not aware of, or don't realize.
That very belief prolongs their healing and growth process.
Because the moment you label any part of yourself as good or bad, you begin treating it differently. You end up focused on keeping the good and trying to get rid of the bad. And doing this is rejection. And if you are rejecting any part of you, you cannot work with it.
You cannot allow it to process through what is required for you to journey closer to who you truly are.
And none of this makes you wrong. It makes you human.
What I’ve come to see is that it’s not the healing process itself we fear.
It is the incredible process happening behind the scenes.
How your soul and a part of your human system are working together to surface what is required for your healing and growth.
Yet we question it, resist it, fight it and make it wrong.
And I want to take a moment now to ask a question that is important for clarity.
Who is the “we” doing that.
It is the hurt, conditioned, protective, fearful part of us, trying to stay in control. Fighting the wise, healed and knowing parts of us that are trying to bring us home.
It’s crazy when you consider it in those terms.
Your human system is powerful, but it can only manage so much at any given time.
So much of what.
☑️ Processing.
☑️ Feelings.
☑️ Thoughts.
☑️ Memories.
☑️ Energy.
☑️ Physical and physiological expression.
And when we try to control and suppress the natural surfacing of what we are meant to work with, we build a dam.
And eventually it overloads.
That emotional and energetic processing we have been avoiding can suddenly take over and we lose control.
And what can happen is one of two things.
⚫️ We either explode, where we do something externally, reactionary, something we will ultimately regret, and that is us “falling apart.”
⚫️ Or we implode, where we get sick, or depressed, or disconnected, or we fall apart internally.
This is why your body often becomes the messenger when you don’t listen earlier.
That is not a natural rate of healing and growth.
It is a forced one.
It’s what happens when the natural side of you builds and builds until it overrides your control.
And in that state, many of the choices you could have made, and how you could have responded, becomes diluted.
Because you’re not working with yourself anymore.
You’re at war with yourself.
So can healing and growth speed up.
Yes, by not getting in the way of it.
Forcing it doesn't work, in fact it does the reverse.
This is also the case with pushing it, putting pressure on yourself and even believing you dictate the pace.
Where you can influence the speed of your healing and growth is through growing your ability to do two key things.
🖤 The first is to stop fighting yourself.
Stop making what you are experiencing wrong.
Stop trying to get rid of parts of you that are simply wanting your attention and time.
Accept what is surfacing, because acceptance is what allows you to actually work with it.
🖤 The second is learning more about the processes inside of you.
🖤 Understanding what they are.
🖤 Why they are there.
🖤 What they are communicating to you.
🖤 What they require from you.
Because once you understand the language of your own system, you stop reacting without awareness, understanding, and deliberateness.
You stop trying to “heal” like it’s a performance.
And you start working with yourself in the way you were always designed to.
And this is why the I Make a Difference (IMAD) Journey and Soul Partnership (three month journey) exist.
They are the spaces where you learn to recognise what is influencing you, what all the different parts of you are communicating to you, and how to work with those processes instead of fighting them, suppressing them, or trying to rush through them.
Some questions for you to explore in your healing and growth journey.
🖤 What part of you are you currently resisting?
🖤 What are you labelling as bad, wrong, too much, or not allowed?
🖤 What is it costing you to fight yourself?
🖤 And what becomes possible if you stop trying to go on turbo and instead learn how to work with what is surfacing within you, in the natural way?
If something in you knows it’s time to stop fighting yourself and learn how to work with what’s actually happening within you, message me and we can talk about whether the I Make a Difference (IMAD) Journey or Soul Partnership (three month journey) is the right next step for you.
Melinda
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For Your Clarity
This is shared for educational and informational purposes only. It isn’t tailored to your specific situation and isn’t intended as personal advice. Always trust your own inner knowing and reach out for individual support when you need it.
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