Hey there Reader
I am someone who has hardly ever walked away from anything in my life, and I have been the one who has stuck things out in relationships, friendships, employment situations, uncomfortable interactions, and dynamics that were not right for me, because somewhere inside of me I believed I was strong enough to handle it.
Walking away meant I was avoiding something, that I was weak if I left, and that being there for others, considering others, understanding others, and not letting others down mattered more than being there for myself.
And in many cases, especially in relationships and friendships, I held on tightly, tried harder, understood more, gave more, adjusted more, waited longer, and still ended up being the one who was left, not just physically, but also left with the impact of what was never really okay in the first place.
OMG.
Please, please, if you are like how I have been, let all of those beliefs, patterns, and learned conditioning be released from you and your life, because they are not truth, love, strength, loyalty, or consideration, and most importantly, they are not the measure of your worth.
And what is really, really powerful is that recently I completed that agreement with myself.
After only two days, and yes, even I was a little in awe of how quickly I moved, I walked away from a contract.
And what incredible gifts I gave myself throughout the whole process.
I had been asked to do a contract for a period of time, looking at the structure of an area of an organization and helping it to be developed, and although this may seem like a deviation from my soul and human work, the skills involved in understanding processes, systems, patterns, structures, architecture, and what is actually happening underneath what people believe is happening are not only applicable to humans, they are also applicable to organizations, teams, relationships, families, businesses, communication, leadership, and the way anything is built, held, supported, or limited by the structure underneath it.
So I thought this could be an opportunity to step back into the corporate world for a moment, remember what that was like, see how far I had come in my own growth and ability, and I was still able to continue my work with people walking with them on their journey back to who they are, alongside this.
But before I even started, I had a feeling in my stomach, and it felt like dread, which got my attention because I do not usually get energetic feelings attached to sensing anymore in the way I used to, because my knowing knows. Sensory processing is a key part of the journey of reuniting soul and human, but as you journey further, there is less need for the sensory processing because the knowing becomes clearer.
My human logical self justified it as maybe this was because I was stepping back into an old energy, back into corporate, back into something my system remembered, but what unfolded over those two days showed me there was far more being revealed than whether I could do the work.
One of the first gifts was acknowledging how amazing my own business in Australia had actually been, in the way we inducted people, integrated team members into the team, considered the person, and brought them into the work, the environment, the expectations, and what was required, because for a business that did not have many employees, we did things right and we truly considered the person in the process.
This was not what I experienced in this organization.
There was also very little clear direction about what was actually required of me on that first day, and as I sat doing the work I had been given, I could feel my whole energetic system closing in on me.
It was not only about the task itself.
My system was responding to the way I was being communicated with, the approach being taken, the lack of clarity, the lack of process, and what was not being said or done.
I could see there were holes in the systems, opportunities to do things differently, and places where the structure underneath what they were doing was not supporting what they were trying to create.
But more than that, I could see there was a gap between being in a leadership position and having the people awareness, process awareness, communication awareness, and impact awareness required to actually lead well.
Then came one conversation too many, where I was told to stop talking.
I took a call where I was asked what I had covered off for that day, which I was completely comfortable being asked, but in the middle of responding, I was told to stop talking and that I did not allow questions, when I was literally responding to the question I had been asked.
This was on top of other examples where I did not feel I was being treated with respect.
In that moment, as I felt my whole system stop, in fact I stopped breathing, I heard my knowing say, are you going to do what you have always done, adapt, make yourself easier for someone else to deal with, suck it up, or is this no longer okay for you?
I knew this was not an environment I was going to continue placing myself in.
I was then essentially told that what I had done that day was wrong and not what they wanted, even though they had not actually stated what they wanted, and I had been told to use my initiative.
That was it.
I drove the hour home and the tears started, but those tears were not just about that contract, because they were the acknowledgement of decades and decades of treatment like this that I had endured, where people had spoken to me in disrespectful or demeaning ways, projected their issues onto me, made me wrong, or expected me to absorb what was not mine to carry, and because of where I was in myself at the time, I had believed I was the issue.
These were employers, even employees, friends and family.
I had adapted, silenced myself, shrunk myself, continued on, told myself I had to handle it, made me the problem, told myself I had to make an income so I had to stay, told myself I could not let them push me out, and told myself I had to cop the crap and be the strong one because somehow that was what made me of value.
And honestly, this is bullsh*t people, because one of the hard truths I had to face is that not everyone is willing, able, or aware enough to care about the impact their behavior is having on you.
I realized I had put up with treatment like this over my life so I would be chosen, liked, wanted, valued, needed, approved of, seen as useful, seen as strong, seen as capable, and seen as someone who could handle it, but it was at the expense of my body, my voice, my truth, my nervous system, my soul, my life force, and the part of me that always knew when something was not okay.
My neediness had been healed, and my knowing was now the voice.
So this time, I chose me. I chose my knowing.
I chose the truth that this was not where I belonged, and this was not something I was available to tolerate anymore.
The greatest gift of that two-day process was that I completed the old agreement in this area of my life, because I chose my knowing instead of the old human pattern, and in choosing my knowing, I helped my human breathe again and find a new way.
I also understand now why the energy was so intense, because the more connected to your soul you are, the less you can keep tolerating the energies, behaviors, environments, patterns, and systems that once seemed normal to you, and when a major pattern completes, sometimes just before it releases, it is like the energy of all those decades comes up and blows through.
This was not just about two days.
It was about all the times I had stayed, endured, made someone else’s behavior about my capacity to cope with it, made myself smaller so someone else could stay the same, and believed it was my job to be strong enough to carry what should never have been mine to carry.
I have asked many people over the years how willing and how committed they are to truly going to their truth, their soul, and being who they truly are, and many people say yes, then they process what that actually means and get scared, because choosing your truth means being willing to make it the priority over everything and everyone else in your life, your finances, relationships, reputation, stability, role, image, or the version of you other people prefer.
Sometimes choosing what you know means something has to end, someone will not like it, you may be misunderstood, or you may lose the thing your human self thought was keeping you safe.
And I always encourage people, in this process, to also be responsible, to consider their responsibilities, commitments, agreements, and the impact of their choices, but to do that from truth, rather than from human conditioned emotional processing, fear, guilt, obligation, neediness, or the old pattern of making everyone and everything else more important than themselves.
This was one of those experiences where me, my truth, and my soul were front and center, over what my human self used to cling to, and I was not scared, which was so damn liberating, but I also grieved because I have been the one who stayed in relationships, jobs, friendships, situations, and dynamics that were not right for me because I was scared of leaving.
I have worked on those areas for years, but this was the big one.
This was the old agreement completing, the agreement that said I had to stay where I was not respected, tolerate being spoken to in ways that diminished me, prove my value by enduring what was not okay, and make money, stability, reputation, responsibility, or someone else’s expectations more important than my truth.
And I am done with that agreement.
What was also beautifully amazing in all of this is that Alan stood beside me the whole way through, and in fact he said, I do not want you going back there, you will not be treated that way.
And I know Mum was furious with the person too, because Alan and I smiled as we talked about it, knowing exactly what Mum would have wanted to do, and that she would have got in her car, driven there, and given the person a piece of her mind.
Then I felt her.
I felt her hug me energetically, in the spot where she would often come and give me a hug, and I heard her say, you go girl.
She was happy.
Then I felt it even more clearly, because Mum and Alan applauded me, not because I had walked away from a contract after two days, but because I had finally stopped letting myself be treated that way.
This time, I was not alone in my knowing.
Alan stood beside me, Mum stood beside me, and I stood beside me.
🖤 So maybe the real question is not, why would someone walk away from a contract after two days, but where are you still tolerating what your system already knows is not okay?
🖤 And not because you need to make anyone wrong, but because the agreement within you that has accepted this may be ready to complete.
🖤 Where are you calling it responsibility, commitment, professionalism, loyalty, or being strong, when it is actually costing you yourself?
🖤 And what old agreement are you finally ready to complete?
Because sometimes the next stage of the journey is not about becoming more aware, it is about being willing to live from the awareness and knowing you already have, and sometimes that means no more.
Never again.
I did not just walk away from a contract after two days.
I completed an old agreement with being treated that way.
If you would like to explore this more deeply for yourself, you can reply to this email, or book a Truth Session here.
Melinda xxx
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