Hi there Reader
There is a growth process we go through when something in our life ends, a relationship, a friendship, a job, a chapter, a person leaves, a door closes, and we are called to let go, move, change, and find our way into a new space, both externally and potentially internally.
I say potentially internally because not everyone embraces the change process for their conscious growth, and sometimes people move externally without ever really dealing with what the ending, the change, or the transition is asking them to see, feel, own, release, or grow through, and whatever that growth was asking of them does not disappear just because the external situation changed, it goes with them.
But there is also another kind of change, letting go, and evolution that happens, one that is not prompted by outside circumstances, but by you being called by your soul, by your knowing, by the part of you that can feel that you can no longer keep living, operating, approaching, relating, giving, waiting, carrying, hoping, silencing, reaching, managing, or making things okay in the same way anymore, because the old way has come to an end inside you.
And you know you are ready for the next stage of your journey, even if you do not yet know what that stage fully looks like, because when the connection between your human and soul has strengthened, you no longer relate to trust in the same way, and that is something I spoke about in my last email, because this is not about trust, it is a deeper knowing that what unfolds will be what is right for you, even when your human does not yet know what it looks like, how it will happen, the timing, the people, or the path of it.
I have experienced this a number of times during my journey, where nothing has necessarily ended externally, but something inside me knows an old way of being has come to an end, and each time I have known it was my soul guiding me, calling the hurt and conditioned part of me to unravel, heal, release, and grow through what I was finally ready to see.
But this time feels different.
This time it feels like a completion of the unraveling and healing in a number of significant areas that have carried so much pain in this life, because the deeper thread that kept so much of this old way of being alive has dissolved in a way I could not consciously make happen.
I said to Alan a couple of weeks ago, “I am going through a completion process,” even though at the time I did not fully know what that completion was.
I just knew it was unfolding.
And yes, Mum’s passing facilitated some of it, because her leaving was a completion of the relationship we had in human form and the responsibility I had carried around her, but what I recognize now is that as the key thread linked to her has dissolved, it has allowed me to complete so much more that was connected to that same place inside me.
The responsibility, the lack, the neediness, the fear of being alone, the being of value, the being needed, the chasing, the holding, the managing of relationships, the maintaining of connection, and the making things okay.
And already I am seeing the number of relationships where I was the one holding the threads, the threads of contact, care, remembering, checking in, understanding, making it okay, and being grateful for their connection, even when the connection was not actually respecting me in the way I deserved, or when what I was holding onto was not the relationship as it is now, but an old way of being together, an old interaction, or a version of connection that belonged to a time gone by.
I am releasing the residue of where I was grateful for those old threads, old relationships, old interactions, old versions of connection, and old ways of being that no longer belong with who I am and where I am going. A gratefulness that was based on a lack of self-worth.
And I still amaze myself when I see how much I have operated in relationships that have not valued me in action.
I have had a few friends say to me over the years, the way people treat you is so not okay, and I have not experienced that, and they are right.
And that is on me.
Because I allowed myself to stay in dynamics where I kept making space for what was not actually valuing me, and now I can feel myself moving from that space to a place I have not been in before, at least not in this way, and not as who I am now.
I saw it recently with someone I used to be very close to, who reached out when they discovered Mum had passed, said they missed me, and said they would ring at 7 PM the next night.
They did ring, but it was in the evening, and for various reasons I am not able to take calls in the evening.
In the past, I would have taken the call anyway.
I would have put their timing ahead of me, and what was important for me, and ahead of what I prioritize in the evenings.
This time I responded truthfully, honoring me and said evenings did not work for me.
And I have never heard from them again.
There is no right or wrong in this, but what I got to experience was the truth of the relationship and where it is now.
You see this is what happens when the old way stops operating, in this case my response and our old way of interacting.
And people begin to self-select.
The relationships, dynamics, and connections that were able to continue because you were always the one adjusting, accommodating, making it easy, working around them, and keeping the connection alive begin to reveal whether there is anything real and mutual there when you stop doing that.
I have seen it in other small ways too, like sharing something important about myself, something vulnerable, I had a biopsy on my leg last week, and the person responded only about themselves, like they never even read that line.
And these are the nuances I notice.
They may seem small from the outside, but they are not small when they are part of a pattern you have lived with most of your life.
Because when you have spent your life with people leaving your life, abandoning you, rejecting you, not choosing you, not staying, not reaching out, not coming back, or not valuing what you gave in the way they received it, aloneness can become a fundamental fear.
Mum was the person that I hung onto to avoid facing that fear fully.
The irony is, we are all, in many ways, alone with ourselves.
But we are also here to connect, to be in relationship, to share, to experience real care, real consideration, real mutuality, real love, real friendship, real responsibility, and the kind of connection we truly deserve to experience.
And that is the chapter I know I am moving into.
No more of how I have allowed myself to be treated, let alone how I have treated myself.
Because when I am no longer responding in the ways I used to, when I am no longer available in the ways I used to be available, when I am no longer putting someone else’s timing, needs, comfort, access, or convenience ahead of what is true for me, then what was only held by the old version of me naturally starts to fall away.
That is self-selection.
I cannot and will not deny my journey home to the truth of me, the real me.
There is grief in the transition and letting go, as I acknowledge Melinda who for so long kept relationships going, the sadness I feel for her that she felt she had to be like this. Then there is the memories of what has been and wasn’t. But they will move through at the speed my system takes, and out of that comes the pure freedom of me.
Because I do not want relationships where I am not me, to keep them.
I want relationships where I am me.
The real me.
The true me.
The me who does not have to carry, chase, manage, soften, over-explain, over-understand, over-accommodate, or make it okay in order for the connection to continue.
And maybe this is the transition phase we do not talk about enough, the space after the old way has completed, but before the new life, new relationships, new way of being, new rhythm, new receiving, new connection, and new truth has fully revealed itself.
Because when we complete an old way of being, there is a space before the new way reveals itself, and that space can feel like aloneness, but it can also be the place where a more truthful way of receiving, relating, loving, and being is growing.
It is the space where your human has time to catch up with what your soul already knows, where you do not rush to replace the old way with something else just so the gap feels less empty, and where you allow yourself to be with what is unfolding instead of filling the space with another version of what you have just outgrown.
And maybe that is one of the most important parts of this transition, allowing the space to exist long enough for what is truly aligned to reveal itself, instead of reaching for something familiar because the unknown feels uncomfortable.
I know I am not going back.
I have lived that life and there is no reason for me to continue to live it.
The old way was not the real and natural me, it was residue.
It was beautiful yet hurt and conditioned Melinda.
It was the part of me that had learned to hold on to what was because being connected to something, even if it was not fully true, felt safer than feeling the truth of aloneness.
And this is the journey back to soul, where there is acceptance and love, but not stagnation, not avoidance, not continuing to reinforce who I am not, and not using love as the reason to stay connected to what keeps me in an old agreement with my own lack.
That is on me. That is my responsibility now.
And I am also taking my responsibility back from those I put that on, because if I was making others responsible for whether I felt valued, loved, chosen, important, wanted, or not alone, then I was still keeping myself tethered to the same lack I was trying to free myself from.
This is about me no longer engaging in what keeps me tethered to who I naturally and truly am not.
Because I am here to return to the truth of who I am.
And I will see what unfolds from there.
Reflection questions for you...
🖤 Where has an old way of being come to an end inside you, even if nothing has formally ended on the outside?
🖤 Where are you still holding threads of connection, care, hope, responsibility, or usefulness because letting them go would ask you to experience aloneness differently?
🖤 Where have you been grateful for connection that was not truly honoring you, because some part of you was still afraid there may be no one if you let it go?
🖤 Where are people, relationships, or old dynamics beginning to self-select as you stop responding from the part of you who carried, chased, accommodated, or made it okay?
🖤 What are you no longer willing to return to, even if the new way has not fully revealed itself yet?
Melinda 🖤
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If you have a question about your inner world, whether soul or human, or your relationships and want clarity, reply to this email. If it’s something others may also need to understand, I may include it in future emails.
For Your Clarity
This is for educational and informational purposes only. It’s not tailored to your specific situation and isn’t intended as personal advice. Always trust your own discernment and reach out for individual support when you need it.
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