Hey Reader
Following on from last week’s email, where I spoke about what happens before you’re dropped or left carrying the relationship, I want to take you deeper into why it so often ends up being you.
So often the people who leave you holding the weight of the relationship and interactions are not where you are in your journey.
They are either at a similar place, or walking a similar yet different path, or they are not being called, at least not yet and maybe not ever, to step into the kind of responsibility and truth that you live from.
And that’s why it so often ends up being you.
Because you are the one who has always been reliable and steadfast, the one who people can count on to be steady and consistent, the one who grounds and makes sense of things, who sees and understands people, who naturally carries clarity, empathy and responsibility, even when others don’t.
When you actually acknowledge this, it is a lot.
Add to that, how people truly see you. You are strong and together and capable, the one who will always be there, the one who can handle what others can’t.
And because this is how they see you, they believe you don’t need much back, they assume you’ve got it sorted, and they don’t realise there is an ache inside of you that longs to be considered, to be made important, to be given back to in the same way you give.
What they don’t see, because you rarely voice it, is the cost of always being the one who is turning up, the responsibility you carry when no one notices how much you are already giving, the ache of not being made important, the silence that grows when your needs aren’t acknowledged, and the way you have taught yourself not to speak about it because you’ve learned people don’t know how to respond.
And sometimes the silence or distance you feel from others isn’t because they don’t care, it’s because of what happens in them when they experience your clarity and your strength.
⚫️ They can feel intimidated by it.
⚫️ They can feel less than, because they don’t know how to give back what you so naturally give.
⚫️ They don’t know how to offer the same presence you hold with such ease.
And so when you share something real about you, something that matters to you, they go quiet.
🖤 Not because you are too much, but because they don’t know what to say, or they believe whatever they could offer wouldn’t be of value, because they see you as already having it together.
🖤 They see you as strong and steady and sorted.
They don’t feel that way themselves.
And deep down they know they are not where you are in your journey.
This is not everyone, but many people feel this when they are around people like you and I.
And it is not wrong.
And neither are you.
But here’s the part that hurts, because of your lack of self-worth, the conditioning you carry around responsibility and guilt, the expectations you’ve internalised and the judgements you’ve believed about yourself, you don’t see yourself as someone who deserves to be made important.
You don’t see yourself as someone worthy of receiving the same care, presence and value you pour into others.
But you ache for it, you yearn for it, and when you don’t receive it you tell yourself you’re fine, you convince yourself you don’t need it, you keep giving and you keep carrying, even as something in you longs to be considered.
🖤 The truth is, the moment you begin to see yourself as important, to treat your own needs as valid, to recognise your worth, everything begins to shift.
🖤 And it shifts even more when you voice how you really are and what is happening for you, not because you need a reply, not because you need someone to fix it, but because you are honoring you, even if no one responds, even if the silence continues.
🖤 Because when you speak your truth, you stop abandoning yourself, and you stop reinforcing the idea that you don’t matter.
The people who can give back will.
The ones who can’t, won’t.
And you will feel the difference, not because they changed, but because you finally treated yourself as worthy first.
So let me leave you with some questions.
- Where in your life do you keep carrying the responsibility because you don’t believe you deserve to be made important?
- Where do you silence yourself, instead of voicing how you really are?
- And what is the truth beneath why you don’t voice how you are?
- Who are the people you keep excusing, even though their absence leaves you aching?
- And what part of you is still waiting for someone else to give you what you haven’t yet given yourself?
You don’t need to answer them here.
Take some time to process these questions through your being, because your soul, and your body already know the truth.
Melinda xxx
PS. If you know this is where you are, and you’re ready to stop silencing yourself and start gaining greater clarity as you move forward on your journey home to you, with someone to walk with you, just hit reply with Soul Conversation and I’ll send you the link to book a time.
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