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Hey thereReader

Arguments, or moments of conflict, where an old wound is touched and truth is spoken, even when it’s uncomfortable to hear and harder to receive, can be powerful, and sometimes even necessary.

Not because conflict is something to seek out, or because tension is healthy in itself, but because truth has an amazing way of unfolding in the way it is meant to, and it doesn’t always leave you feeling safe, understood or comfortable to absorb it.

Sometimes truth has to surface in a way that is familiar and frightening for people to truly register it, because it needs to cut through the usual defences, explanations, justifications, and the ways we’ve learned to manage ourselves and each other.

At times it has to come through as a gut punch, so it finally gets your attention, so it's seen, felt, and dealt with rather than avoided.

The more I live from my truth, and the truth I operate from, the more I see around me how limited people’s capacity often is when it comes to truth, and this is not a judgement, it's truth.

They have a limited capacity to:

⚫️ recognize what's actually true when it first surfaces
⚫️ hear truth when it’s spoken
⚫️ own responsibility in that truth
⚫️ be accountable to it
⚫️ stay with it long enough to work with it

And yet this is a fundamental part of our journey.

You cannot return home to yourself, or reunite your human and soul, while not seeing and taking responsibility for truth, and doing something about it when it asks you to.

It isn’t possible, because there comes a time when you're called to live from truth, not just recognize it, or just speak it, but to live from it.

When people come up against truth, especially when it connects to an old wound or exposes something they would rather not see, many shut down internally.

Emotions get triggered and for many they don't like that.

Anxiety takes over, their system becomes overwhelmed, and the impulse, often without conscious thought, is to run, withdraw, deflect, or shut the conversation down.

This is because they don’t yet have the capacity to stay present with what they are feeling, seeing and hearing at the same time.

They also don't feel safe enough to explore it yet.

So they struggle to hear it, process it, and fully see it.
They find it difficult to remain long enough with what is going on within them, to work with it.

So they end up in a cycle of revisiting the same truth again and again.

And when another person is involved in that cycle, and neither person has the capacity, what often happens is that the truth gets swept under the rug and left unspoken, sitting between each of them, and influencing their interactions.

That is until one person eventually develops enough capacity to make different choices, or to call the other person on what is happening.

Or instead, both people learn how to live with a certain level of distance, with their walls partially up, not being fully real with each other, carefully treading on eggshells, or keeping just enough space between them so the truth doesn’t surface again.

On the outside, things can look fine.

But underneath, something is being avoided and even brewing.

And it doesn’t disappear just because it isn’t spoken.

Capacity, in this sense, isn’t about being strong, having the right words, or handling things perfectly. It’s about having enough internal space to stay with what’s uncomfortable, to remain present when your system wants to flee, to sit with responsibility without defending or falling apart, and to own and work with what’s true rather than running from it.

This is what allows something to open and shift.

And when you stay with the truth, even when you are squirming inside and everything in you wants to move away from it, you are actually staying with a part of yourself you have been avoiding, a part that has been wanting your attention for some time.

And when you stop resisting that, when you accept staying with it rather than trying to get away from it, you experience a shift within you.

There is a release, and with that release, space is created inside you. This happens because you're no longer fighting yourself.

So the next time truth asks something of you, you will find you can be with what you could before and even more. Your capacity grows.

This is why staying with what is going on inside of you and the dynamic, without it escalating, is very important.

Because staying isn’t about silence, or endurance, or tolerating what isn’t right. It’s about staying with truth, staying present with what is real, and being with the truth and what you are feeling for the length of time inside yourself where you don’t run from what you know, even when it’s uncomfortable and asks something of you.

Because until someone is willing to stay with what’s real, the same moments will keep returning, the same conversations will keep circling, and the same distance will quietly remain.

Some reflections for you to sit with:

🖤 Where am I currently avoiding a truth because it feels uncomfortable, destabilizing, or too much to face?
🖤 When truth has surfaced for me in the past, what did my system want to do, stay, run, explain, shut down, or hand it to someone else to deal with?
🖤 What truth keeps revisiting my life because I haven’t yet remained with it long enough to work with it?
🖤 Where am I being asked to take responsibility, not for others, but for myself and how I am living?
🖤 What happens inside me when I stop fighting what I know and are able to be with it instead?

More to come.

Melinda xxx

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