Hi Reader
I know you have felt it, when the words of your truth surface within you and you just so, so want to say them, but...
You feel the fear start circulating in your nerves, your chest tightens, your body contracts, and then your mind starts either sharing pictures or speaking the words of what the possible impact could be of you finally saying what you have wanted to say.
Yet there is another part of you, the true you. that is calling you to step into your truth, to own it, to voice it if it is meant to be voiced, to be free to be you.
But you are reading the person, scanning for where they are at emotionally, mentally, and energetically, subconsciously checking whether it is safe to say it or not, because past experiences have shown you, over and over, that speaking your truth can bring non-acceptance, rejection, hurt, or loss.
You don’t doubt your truth, but you doubt your ability to manage the fallout.
The pain of the loss feels greater than the punishment of yourself through suppressing what you know is true about what is going on and happening.
This is the conflict, the battle and negotiation, that goes on within us.
Our human wanting to fit into the world, to be loved, to be accepted. Yet our soul, our true self, is loved, accepted, and fits with itself, and that is the real you, at the core of you.
Hey, I walked this battlefield for decades. I was conditioned to, and it became automatic, normal. I wasn’t even aware I was doing it until I was.
A lifetime of adjusting myself so the other person would be comfortable, so I wouldn’t lose them, so I wouldn’t have to feel the drop in my stomach when someone reacted. Then the self-blame, guilt, and making myself wrong.
But I now realize — if I was doing that with these people, were they really in my life to lose anyway?
A while ago I had a woman in my life I thought was a friend. She was the one that was enthusiastic in creating the connection, and for me that was such a wonderful change. Until it wasn’t.
I did most of the reaching out. We had them over for dinner, visited them often. They did the same once.
When she came by one day after doing some work with my mom, she asked how I was, and the moment I started responding, she overrode me and moved straight into talking about herself.
In the past I would have stayed quiet, listened, and made her feel heard. I did this for a moment in this situation, but this time there was a difference.
Underneath the part of me that knew how to let go of my need to be heard, to be respected and give to the other person, there was another part, the Melinda who had been overlooked, who had done all the legwork in friendships, who had poured energy into others and rarely had it returned.
Later in the conversation, when she was asking about why we were hand mowing our lawns, because our ride-on had an issue, she said, “Why don’t you ring us we will help? We’re family.”
I absolutely appreciated her offer and thanked her.
But also this time I didn’t soften. I didn’t ignore my truth or dilute it so she’d feel comfortable.
I said, “Family doesn’t just see each other when they need help.”
I made sure in that moment I was gentle, surrendered, and in my truth, not my emotions.
I spoke it without an edge, without the hook of wanting her to change. I didn’t try to influence or manage her response. I said it because it was true for me.
She paused. I could feel it register deep within her, and I knew her soul heard me, I felt it.
She texted later to invite us over the following weekend. This was a change in the pattern, and I now know this does happen as a result of truth. But two days before, she cancelled. And I haven’t heard from her since.
And here’s what I’ve had to face: speaking truth is not about getting the outcome you want.
- It’s about not leaving, dismissing, or diminishing yourself.
- It’s about your words expressing what’s real for you, even if it changes the relationship.
- It’s about deciding that you will no longer stay in connections that are nurtured by your effort alone, even if that means some people leave.
The beauty I have found is when you do speak it, people also stay and step closer to you.
But what is important is that because speaking your truth is unfamiliar, there can be emotional processing that will surface with it, fear, vulnerability, neediness, and even anger.
So it is important that you process this out first, then check if you are still meant to speak your truth, because your truth, at the end of the day, is for you.
If you’ve been softening your truth to keep the peace, to avoid discomfort, or to hold on to something that doesn’t actually hold you, maybe this is your moment to change things for you.
So what about you?
🖤 Where are you still adjusting your truth before you speak it?
🖤 What part of you are you protecting when you make it smaller?
🖤 And what would it take for you to acknowledge your truth, identify if you are to speak it, and then, if you are to speak it, voice it to those you know you are meant to say it to?
Speaking your truth isn’t just about saying the words.
It’s about knowing what your truth actually is, and being able to be in it and honor yourself, to speak it with integrity and neutrality, even when it’s uncomfortable.
This takes exploration, time, support, and the willingness to walk through what’s been holding you back.
And if you want to be guided in that walk, I’m here.
You can do this.
Melinda xxx
P.S. If you want support to identify the key reasons holding you back from your truth and speaking it, and to see the first step you could take to change that, reply to this email or message me with Soul Conversation.
P.S.S. If you want to explore how you can walk with me on your journey of returning to who you truly are, and living from that truth, you can visit my Work With Me page.
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