Hi there Reader
Have you been working on releasing being digestible, like I have?
Not that you’re required to, but in me doing so, I realized something deeper, and I thought I’d share it with you.
The day before my Stop Being Made Digestible workshop, I sat at my desk making slides and suddenly thought,
What am I doing?
I don’t even like slides.
They create a layer of distance between me and the people I’m walking with.
So I threw them out and went back to my trusted flip-chart paper.
Yes, I had fallen back into following what was “normal” for online workshops, not what was true to me.
Then I caught myself again.
Every time I went to record a video, I’d stop to fix my hair.
Why? Because somewhere in me, I believed I had to look “presentable” to be acceptable.
So I threw that out too.
And you might be catching yourself doing the same.
Maybe you notice how you soften your truth to make others comfortable, or are selective in your words so they’ll understand you.
But what about the ways you make yourself digestible that aren’t so obvious?
The subtle, everyday ones.
The ones that don’t look like silencing and shrinking, instead they look like helping and guiding.
The moments where you make others digestible, so you can stay digestible and acceptable too.
Where you guide, persuade, or influence, under the guise of caring, supporting, or leading, but underneath, there’s a part of you trying to control the situation so you’ll still feel safe or approved of.
I’ve done it.
I’ve dressed the men I’ve gone out with, literally.
Bought them clothes because I didn’t like what they wore, and I wanted them to look a certain way so I’d be more acceptable to others.
I’ve suggested someone buy a car I liked, not because it suited them, but because it suited the image I wanted to be seen beside.
I’ve gently “helped” people make choices that aligned with what I needed from them, and called it support.
Even in our best intentions, we can still be trying to manage others, to manage how safe we feel in others’ eyes.
We call it kindness, leadership, or guidance, but underneath, it’s often about digestibility.
Making others comfortable enough that they don’t reject us.
Making ourselves necessary so we don’t feel replaceable.
Making situations manageable so truth doesn’t have to surface.
⚫️ We justify our partner’s behaviour so others won’t judge us for staying.
⚫️ We explain away our child’s choices so no one thinks we’re a bad parent.
⚫️ We soften the truth about a friend so people will still like them — and, by extension, like us.
⚫️ We cover for family members, even lie for them, because their actions reflect on us.
⚫️ We keep secrets that aren’t ours to hold, because exposing them would expose what we’ve built our safety around.
⚫️ We boast about our partner, our children, or our colleagues — not always because we’re proud, but because their achievements help us feel valid, worthy, or safe in the eyes of others.
⚫️ We speak about others’ success as though it’s our own reflection, because it makes us more acceptable, more respected, more digestible.
⚫️ We overemphasize the positive so no one sees the cracks — in them, or in us.
It sounds honoring, loyal, kind, protective.
But underneath, it’s often the part of us that still believes belonging is conditional.
That if the people connected to us are seen as wrong, then so are we.
That if we stand by truth, we’ll lose connection.
And so we make them digestible, so we can stay digestible.
⚫️ We’re managing perception.
⚫️ We’re protecting the illusion that safety comes from being seen a certain way.
🖤 But truth doesn’t need perfection or protection.
🖤 It just needs presence.
When you stop protecting or polishing what’s false or not true, what’s real finally has space to breathe.
We do it because we’re afraid of what truth will cost.
Because if we stop protecting others, we’ll have to face what their behaviour really means, and what our participation in it has meant.
We do it because we don’t want to lose love, belonging, or stability.
We do it because we don’t want to be seen as less than, less loyal, less kind, less worthy and even not good enough.
Because it feels safer to carry someone else’s choices than to face the silence, distance, or disapproval that might come if we stop.
We manage how others are seen, so we don’t have to deal with rejection, confrontation, or chaos.
And if we’re truthful, we do it because we don’t yet trust that we’ll still be loved or safe if we stand in the full truth. That we are acceptable, loveable and worthy just as we are.
But what we don’t realise is that every time we do this, every time we make others digestible, we abandon a part of our truth.
We deny what we feel, what we know, and what we see.
And slowly, we teach ourselves that truth isn’t safe.
QUESTIONS FOR YOU TO REFLECT ON
This week, take a deeper look, not at how you make yourself digestible, but at who and how you make others digestible, so that you can stay acceptable, safe, or in control.
Ask yourself:
🖤 Who do I soften truth for, so that I don’t have to face what their reaction might be?
🖤 In what ways do I justify, defend, or reshape others’ behaviour so I can stay comfortable, liked, or “good”?
🖤 Who do I protect — and what part of me feels safer when I do?
🖤 Where do I find myself promoting, defending, or celebrating others — not just out of pride or love, but because it makes me feel safer, more worthy, or more acceptable through them?
🖤 And what truth am I avoiding by continuing to make them digestible?
Because when you can see who and how you make others digestible, you start seeing the deeper ways you’ve made truth digestible too.
And that’s where the next level of freedom begins.
That’s what we begin to unlearn in I Make a Difference (IMAD).
Because truth doesn’t destroy what’s real, it only dissolves what’s false.
And when you live from that place, you no longer need to protect, justify, or manage the truth, in you or anyone else.
🖤 IMAD — I Make a Difference is where your soul and human reunite.
Where you learn to see what’s real, release what’s not,
and grow your capacity to walk in truth, safely, powerfully, and whole.
The next IMAD journey begins January 2026.
If your system is ready, reply to this email or message me if you would like to know more.
Melinda xxx
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