Hey there Reader
You know I love to share a long email and this is another one. And there are questions for you to reflect on near the end, as is my way.
Something a number of people have said to me over the last few months, as I have journeyed the passing of my mom, is that I always see the silver lining in a situation and I embrace the gifts of the journey and the experience, even when it is the death of one of the most precious and important people in my life.
What supports me in that process is the fact that I love everything we experience, because the truth is that as souls that is what we are here to do, experience the human experience.
I also know I chose all of this before I incarnated this time. Some of you will understand exactly what I mean when I say that, and for those of you who do not hold that same belief, please know I fully respect that too. I have had many different beliefs shared with me over the years. So I know there is magic in all of it. Even the unique experience of my mum’s soul talking with me from within me, through a part of my knowing, as opposed to outside of me, that has been different.
Yes I have cried, yes I miss her, yes I want to have her sitting in front of me talking with me, and to have one of my mum’s special hugs.
But in amongst that, one of the most beautiful things that has naturally occurred within me during the journey of my mum’s passing is a subtle, yet powerful shift internally.
Subtle because I hardly even noticed it was happening, and yet powerful because it took my brother reflecting it back to me for me to take a moment and really acknowledge it.
I was aware of the feeling, the difference, and the space within me, but I had not paused to truly connect to it, and once I did, I started noticing I was experiencing it with other people too, not just my brother.
He shared that I was not reacting in the way I used to, and he was right.
Something that makes this even more powerful for me is that one of my strengths has been my relationship with emotions.
I have been an emotionally reactive and expressive person for most of my life, and because of my own connection to emotions, I know them so well. I know what it is to feel deeply, to be with what I’m feeling and why I am feeling it, to express it, to sit in it, to understand it, and to work with it.
What I had not fully realized until more recently is that my level of comfort with emotions is not something everyone has. My comfort with feeling them, working with them, and expressing them has at times impacted other people in ways where they did not yet have the capacity to do the same, and because of that, my way of being resulted in them being triggered or feeling uncomfortable.
There is another layer to this too. Being expressive, I have at times expressed other people’s unexpressed emotional processing. Not purposely, but I’ve felt what they were feeling, thought it was mine when it wasn’t, and expressed it. And to add to that, my own over responsibility, rescuing, and neediness amplified this.
But I moved out of the bigger part of that pattern some time ago, so this shift is not about suddenly realizing that I was still carrying what was not mine in the way I once did. It is more that the residue of it, the smaller bits that could still impact me, have become so much less.
I see much more clearly now what is mine and what is not. In fact, I do not even need to look for it, it is so natural now that I just know it. I still have echoes of hurt that can arise, especially in those first moments when I do not understand why someone has done something, because I still care about people, and because I would never want to just vanish on someone, but it is different. The echoes do not take hold in the same way, they do not move through me in the same way, and they do not pull me into someone else’s process in the same way.
There is another piece to this shift that feels really significant to me too, and that is that I no longer have the same burning need I once did to speak about something in order to process it through. That was such a personal part of my interaction with Mum, and something I treasured deeply. There was something so precious in being able to speak about what was surfacing, to let it unfold through verbalizing it, and for her to get it, and to feel the value of that shared space. So to notice that I don't have the same need in the way I once did is not small. It does not mean I don't value that kind of connection, because I do. It means something in me is changing in a deeper way.
My system is naturally adjusting to Mum no longer being here, and acceptance has been key in that, yet again something that is naturally happening without any need for me to do anything in this area, and it is the same with what I am about to share.
Before Christmas I remember saying that 2026 was about me becoming more self reliant in a key area of my life. I also remember feeling scared of even voicing this, because there was a fear in me, what if becoming more self reliant meant losing someone. And lo and behold, look what unfolded.
What I can see now is that what happened is not going to deter my system from still progressing in that direction. In fact, what feels so cool about it these days is that all I need to do is recognize that this is what I am to do, and I do not have to make it happen, force it, push it, or work at it in the old way.
It is naturally happening within me, and my responsibility is simply to be aware of it and not get in the way of it. I also know now that I can become more self reliant without losing people from my life, and that feels important, because I can feel that old fear doesn't have a hold anymore.
This is not me managing myself better, and it is not me doing the work more effectively, being more aware in the moment, or somehow becoming better at regulating myself. I know that territory inside out and back to front. I know what it is to heal emotion, to understand triggers, to recognize patterns, to sit with what is there, and to move through it with awareness. This is not new to me.
What is new is that this feels deeper than all of that.
know I crossed a threshold internally last year, and the part of me that is in this life now is not the same part that used to experience it. It feels like my soul is more here now, and because of that I am not attached in the same way. I’m still there, connected, I’m still involved in conversations, I still care, and I still see what is happening, but I am not operating from the same space and place within me.
There is no emotion going out, and there is no emotion being received in the way there once was. There is no unconscious pull to manage, carry, or move with what is happening in the other person. There is just me, here, and it feels solid, steady, aware, and really beautiful.
Something else I have been noticing is that the people around me are different with me too. They are growing, moving, and connecting with me differently in their own ways, and what feels so beautiful is that I don't need them to.
I’m not waiting for their connection, or pulling for it, or depending on it in the way I once might have, and I no longer have my fingers crossed hoping it will happen, so when it does, I get to simply experience the joy of it, and my brother and a close friend are two of the people this is happening with.
I a family member say to me recently, “you're just normal.” I had a little giggle to myself, because I thought, what was I before, abnormal, a monster with three heads? But if I'm really truthful, I wouldn't say normal is the word. I would say natural. More natural in myself, more natural in how I am with people, more natural in what I experience, more fluid, and more natural in knowing what is mine and what is not.
What struck me is that if you have spent a lifetime feeling deeply, picking up on what is going on around you, sensing what is surfacing or circling in others, and being aware of what is happening in you, then this kind of shift can almost feel unusual at first, because there is no pull or push or need to it, no emotional exchange in the old way, no intensity, no being pulled into someone else’s field, and no subtle need to orient to what they are feeling, where they are at, or what they need. You are simply there, and you are still open, still aware, still connected, but no longer entangled, and that is a very different thing.
For most of my life, and in much of the work people do on themselves, the focus is on healing the reaction, understanding the trigger, regulating the emotion, or learning how to respond differently, and all of that is important. But there is another threshold beyond that, a place where it’s not just that you know how not to react, it’s that the place in you that is living this life has changed, and when that happens, life is experienced differently, relationships are experienced differently, conversations are experienced differently, and what once would have hooked you, pulled you, or stirred something in you no longer does in the same way.
There is a steadiness in that which is hard to explain unless you have felt it. It is quiet, natural, and powerful, because it changes the way you are in relationship, the way you approach life, what has access to you, and what no longer does.
I think this is one of the deeper gifts that has occurred within me through this journey, and I thank my mom for that, even though I wish she was still here.
I'm still sitting with the beauty of it, because something deeper has come more fully forward, and I can feel the difference.
Maybe some of you will know exactly what I mean. Maybe you have done years of work on yourself, know the healing process well, and yet sense there is another threshold beyond emotional awareness and regulation.
Maybe you have had moments where you realized you were no longer reacting in the way you once did, not because you managed it better, but because something deeper in you has now surfaced.
Maybe you have also begun to notice that what once needed to be spoken in order to be processed is now less intense, it moves, and is clarified within you in a different way.
If that is where you are, or where you feel you are coming to, then trust it. It may not be obvious. It may simply feel quieter, steadier, centred, simpler, more within you, and more natural than what you experienced before, but that does not make it small or insignificant. It may be one of the deepest shifts of all.
🖤 What have you noticed has changed in you lately, not because you tried, fixed, or managed it, but because something deeper in you is now here?
🖤 Where are you noticing that what once hooked you no longer has the same hold on you?
🖤 What do you no longer need in the way you once did, even if you still value it deeply?
🖤 Where might your system already be naturally moving you, and your role is simply to recognize it and remain aware?
🖤 And can you feel the difference between trying to become something, and something in you naturally becoming?
Melinda 🖤
have a question
If you have a question about your inner world, whether soul or human, or your relationships and want clarity, reply to this email. If it’s something others may also need to understand, I may include it in future emails.
For Your Clarity
This is for educational and informational purposes only. It’s not tailored to your specific situation and isn’t intended as personal advice. Always trust your own discernment and reach out for individual support when you need it.
Copyright © 2025 Globally Make a Difference Ltd, All rights reserved.
I Make a Difference | U Make a Difference
