Reader
There is a good chance you have learned to look to others, and outside of yourself, for evidence of who you are. I certainly did.
So the question is, why did we do that?
Because those messages are sewn into our being from such an early age.
We learn to measure ourselves through what we do, how we are received, whether we are chosen, valued, understood or approved of.
And yet we know that who we are is not simply what we do, nor is it defined by how other people perceive us, respond to us or react to us.
Well, this has been another process I have been journeying since Mum passed.
She was an anchor point for me, especially in the moments when I wobbled, reminding me of who I was, who I truly was.
And this is another area in which I have become more “self-reliant”.
It is a phrase I spoke about a month before she passed, but at the time I was talking about only one area of my life. Little did I know I was about to grow my self-reliance in a whole stack of areas.
I have been watching the need to look outside myself for evidence of who I am naturally begin to dissolve, and it has been fascinating to observe and experience.
There have been some very clear decisions within that, like resigning from a job after two days and choosing me instead, and deciding I was going to become more comfortable with being alone rather than continuing to experience it as evidence that something was wrong, missing or lacking in me.
And this has made me look very differently at timing.
There have been pathways I wanted to go down much earlier than now. In fact, I expected I was going to, so yes, I was needy of doing so.
There have absolutely been times when I have wanted to push things, force movement, fight what was not happening, or resist the fact that something was not unfolding when I wanted it to.
Even now, with something as practical as building the catios for our charity, I can feel that pull when I want things to move faster than they are.
And I remember finishing my degree and then working for another six months in the bookshop, earning $9 an hour, genuinely believing I had just wasted years of my life, only to end up with three job offers in one day.
Believe me, there have been tears, many questions of why, why is this happening, why me, what am I doing wrong, and even moments when I have wondered whether I was somehow being punished.
Looking back, of course, I can see that what I thought was delay was not the whole story at all.
I can now see that the meaning I was giving the timing was not true.
Those questions came from the hurt and conditioned parts of me trying to make sense of something they did not understand, and trying to find a reason for why something was not happening when I wanted it to.
Because if some of those pathways had opened when I wanted them to, I would have walked them and built from them as a very different Melinda, one who still had a greater reliance on external people, responses and circumstances to know she was doing the right thing, that what she was creating had value, and underneath all of that, that she had value.
And that is where my understanding of timing has changed.
I am seeing that it is often our hurt and conditioned parts that fight the timing, because they are still looking for certainty, reassurance, proof or something outside us to settle what feels uncertain within us.
But this journey, for me, is not about becoming so self-reliant that we no longer need relationship, support or connection.
It is about soul and human learning to work together, and the human becoming increasingly able to know itself, trust itself and stand within its own authority, while still being fully in relationship with others.
We are still here to receive, give, share, connect, love, support and be supported.
The difference is that we are no longer asking those relationships, responses or experiences to tell us who we are.
We can still listen to response, because response gives us information, but it does not have to determine whether what we expressed was true or worthwhile.
We can be enthusiastic without needing everyone else to share our enthusiasm.
We can know what we are doing is right without needing to push our ideas onto anyone else.
And perhaps that is part of why some things unfold when they do.
Sometimes the most important part of what is happening is not the thing we are waiting for.
Sometimes what is happening in the time before something arrives is that we are journeying further down the pathway of growing and maturing into more of our true selves, so we will receive and work with it very differently when it does.
And of course, sometimes the thing we are waiting for does not happen at all.
That does not automatically mean the journey failed, or that the timing was wrong.
Sometimes what we thought we were moving towards was not the only point of the experience.
The growth, the maturing, the releasing of old conditioning, the strengthening of our self-reliance, and the deepening relationship between soul and human may still have been part of what the experience was here to give us.
We may eventually experience something different, or we may simply discover that we no longer need the thing we once thought we needed.
Either way, we have grown and matured through the experience.
So perhaps you might ask yourself:
🖤 When something is not happening in the timing you want, what part of you is fighting it?
🖤 What are you hoping the outcome will tell you about yourself?
🖤 Are you trying to force movement because something is genuinely wrong, or because a hurt or conditioned part of you is looking for safety, certainty and security?
Because maybe the answers to these questions are not evidence that the timing is wrong at all. Maybe they are showing you what is still wanting your attention as part of the journey, so that whatever unfolds from here, you are meeting it from a different place.
And perhaps the question I have found myself asking is the most important one:
🖤 Who have I become in the time it has taken?
Melinda xxx
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This is for educational and informational purposes only. It’s not tailored to your specific situation and isn’t intended as personal advice. Always trust your own discernment and reach out for individual support when you need it.
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